


don’t want new (i want you)

by beautifulbane



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5 Things, Angst, Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 14:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16161080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulbane/pseuds/beautifulbane
Summary: "I don't want this to be the way we leave things," Keith says thickly. "It would...it would kill me inside."Lance feels an all-too-familiar ache form in his chest at the words. It's the ache that's only been growing stronger since Keith got back."Maybe you should have thought about that before you left," Lance hisses, not clarifying which time he means, because does it really even matter?Keith lets go of Lance's arm, and Lance immediately, bitterly, misses the warmth of his hand.(Or, 5 times Keith and Lance pushed the other further away through miscommunication, and the one time they actually communicated properly.)





	don’t want new (i want you)

**Author's Note:**

> damn okay hello!! i haven’t posted a klance fic in so long even tho i have like 50 drafts in my writing app haha! but yeah i’m proud of myself, i finally finished one! and it’s angsty as hell...figures. 
> 
> also the summary is a bit confusing but it’s basically keith seeing lance with allura, lance seeing keith with acxa, both of them pushing the other away because they’re hurt and jealous etc., etc.! they’re really not in the best place in canon so i wanted to touch on that in this fic while also fixing it in the end. 
> 
> the title is from the song ‘new’ by daya :)

**5**

 

It starts when Keith pages the castle of lions to the sight of Lance and Allura hugging.

He's just been through the most emotionally draining fight of his life, and yet somehow the sight he's met with feels like another punch to the gut.

Keith knows he's been gone for a long time. It's been months for the team, years for himself. It makes sense that Lance and Allura would be closer, maybe even together. Lance _always_ liked Allura. Keith remembers all too well, being eighteen years old and wanting nothing more than to be on the receiving end of Lance's affections, just _once_.

The hot curl of jealousy in his chest at the sight of Lance and Allura hugging makes him feel all of eighteen again.

But there are more important matters to worry about. _Of course_ there are. He has his barely conscious brother in the back of his lion, and Lotor is still lose and as dangerous as ever. Keith pushes down his feelings (something he's been doing a lot of lately) and tells Lance and Allura what they need to do to take down Lotor until Keith gets back.

Keith watches the two of them walk off together, half expecting them to hold hands but glad when they don't. He turns his pager off and lets out a deep sigh. Since when did Allura like Lance back? She had never given into his advances before. If anything, she just seemed annoyed by his flirting and come on's.

 _Since you left the team for months their time, genius_ , his brain supplies, and he slumps in on himself. Keith had spent actual _years_  thinking about the time when he and Lance would reunite, had gone over every single one of their interactions in his head and smiled stupidly to himself at some of the happier ones.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and Keith could attest to that.

But it doesn't matter. Of course it doesn't. Lance probably didn't even think about him while he was away. Clearly he hadn't, if he was with Allura.

He opens his eyes again, shaking his head at himself. He couldn't let himself get hurt again — not like how he was when Lance didn't remember their stupid bonding moment.

It's fine. Keith would shove his feelings down so deep that they couldn't hurt him, and then rebuild the walls he'd been trying to break down around himself.

It's fine, Keith repeats to himself, trying to believe the words. He'll be fine.

 

* * *

 

**4**

 

At first, Lance is confused when Keith tells him to lead the team, but that confusion quickly turns into worry when he sees that Keith is starting to walk away.

"Wait!" Lance exclaims, resisting the urge to grab onto Keith's arm to stop him. "Where are you going?"

"Acxa saved our skin. I'm not gonna leave her behind," Keith explains.

Lance can't explain it, but his stomach _swoops_ at the words. He recognizes the feeling almost immediately as what he would feel when Allura would hang out around the castle with Lotor.

But that doesn't make any sense. Why would Lance care about Keith going after Acxa? It wasn't like Keith had feelings for her; he was just saving her because she saved them first...right?

Lance looks into Keith's face, trying to read it, and feels himself deflate at the desperation he sees there. Oh. Maybe...maybe he does like her. Maybe they have some sort of history that Lance doesn't even know about.

He can only watch as Keith walks away, _again_ , unable to stop him. He feels the frown on his face and knows that he must look properly devastated, but he can't help it. He's always been an expressive person, and right now his heart is in his throat.

Lance turns away angrily from where Keith had just stood, focusing instead on the team. He doesn't even know _why_ he cares so much about Keith and Acxa.

But he doesn't have time to think too deeply about that right now. Keith trusted him to lead the team to safety, and that's what Lance plans on doing — thoughts of Keith swooping in and saving Acxa, carrying her in his arms to safety, be damned.

 

* * *

 

**3**

 

Keith's first thought when he wakes up is that his head hurts. The second is that it's nice to have family by his bedside. And the third, of course, is whether or not Lance is okay.

Keith winces at himself, and not just because of his aching head. He's pathetic. Here he had told himself that he would start trying to get over Lance, and yet one of his first thoughts upon waking up from almost dying was that he wanted to see Lance.

Krolia tells him that the rest of the team are all okay, that _Lance_  is, and Keith frowns at the sound of his name coming from her mouth. Krolia had found out about Keith's feelings for Lance not long after they got stuck on the space whale. Apparently Keith got a certain look on his face when he talked about him, a certain softness to his voice that he didn't usually have.

Keith had not been happy to be confronted about those feelings by his _mom_ , of all people. In fact, he still isn't.

After spending a day recovering in bed, Keith tells Krolia he's going to take a walk down the hall, just to stretch his legs.

It's a lie, but thankfully one she doesn't seem to catch onto.

It's just...Keith _has_ to see Lance. He knows that Krolia told him that Lance is alright, but Keith has to see him with his own two eyes. He wants to apologize for being short with him, for pushing him away recently. He wants to see how he's been while Keith was away, to catch up with him. There's so much that Keith wants that his chest aches with it.

In the hallway, he asks a nurse which room Lance's is, and she points him to it. Turns out, it's only a few rooms away from Keith's own.

Keith only hesitates a few seconds before stepping inside of the doorway.

Immediately, he regrets it, because there's Allura, sitting on the edge of Lance's bed. The two of them are laughing softly, intimately, engaged in a private conversation.

Keith debates turning around before his presence is known, but it's too late. Lance must have heard his footsteps because he turns his head away from Allura, his eyes going wide at the sight of Keith. As he looks at Keith, Keith looks back at him, taking him in. He doesn't have a head injury like Keith. Aside from a few scrapes and bruises, Lance actually looks like he's in pretty good shape. Keith tells himself that's all he needed to know by coming here, but the thought of catching up with Lance runs longingly through his mind.

"Keith," Lance breathes, blinking twice as if he expects Keith to disappear. "Uh, what are you doing here?"

Keith shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and clearly you are," he says, looking pointedly at Allura.

That turns out to be a mistake, because of course it does. Allura furrows her eyebrows before her eyes are widening in understanding, her lips parting slightly. Keith quickly looks away from her, taking a step backwards as if it'll help.

For a long time, Shiro was the only person who knew about Keith's feelings for Lance, and that was because Keith himself had told him. Keith had known that he had to tell _someone_  before he exploded from repression, and Shiro had seemed like a good, safe choice. Krolia had found out by herself, and although Keith had panicked at first, she'd been nothing but accepting. He figured, after awhile, that maybe her knowing wasn't the worst thing in the world.

But Allura knowing? The person who's actually dating Lance, knowing that Keith has feelings for him? That _is_  the worst thing in the world, certifiably.

Keith needs to get out of this room. It feels like the walls are starting to close in around him. He also might get sick.

"I — I should go," he stammers out, not noticing the way Lance's face falls as he sits up in his bed. "Sorry to disturb you both."

Keith quickly turns on his heel, walking out of the room. He pretends not to hear the way Lance calls after him.

He's upset, of course he is, but mostly at himself. Lance and Allura are his _friends_ , he should be happy for them if they're happy together. Instead Keith feels like his heart is shattering all over again in his chest.

He's so _selfish_. He wishes he wasn't this way, but he doesn't know how not to be. It's just...Keith's emotions have always been powerful, almost all-consuming, and of course love wouldn't be an exception.

When he gets back into his room, Krolia comments that his walk wasn't too long. Keith curls up in his bed, not facing her as he tells her that he's calling it an early night.

Krolia isn't stupid, and Keith knows she can tell that something else is going on, but she doesn't comment on it. She just kisses Keith's head and turns his light out before leaving the room.

Keith squeezes his eyes shut, silently wishing that he could sleep forever.

 

* * *

 

**2**

 

Lance is confused. Really, _really_ confused.

He thinks that he and Allura might be together now. They haven't talked about it, but _something_ has definitely changed between them. Instead of rolling her eyes or brushing him off when Lance levels her with a pickup line, she laughs at him, maybe even blushes. But it feels off. Lance doesn't know what it is, but he thought he would be so much happier than he is right now. Hell, he used to spend hours just pining over Allura, wishing that she would like him back. He even told the space mice as much.

So why isn't he happy?

It might be because of his second reason, which is that they really haven't talked about what's going on between them. Every time Allura laughs at him, or has her hand linger on his arm for longer than is strictly platonic, all Lance can ask himself is _why_? Why now? After all of this time, what made Allura look at Lance and think 'Yes, maybe it's been him all along'?

Lance doesn't ask, mostly because he's scared of the answer he'll receive.

There's also Keith, which...gives him a headache just thinking about the situation that the two of them are in right now. Keith's been strange ever since he returned to the team. He's more confident as their leader, sure, and yet...he's more distant than ever when it comes to Lance. Keith has brushed him off so many times that Lance is pretty sure he's lost track.

He just doesn't _get it_. Lance doesn't _think_ he's done anything wrong, at least not bad enough to have Keith not want to speak to him anymore. He thought they were friends. Now he has no idea how he would even describe their relationship.

The memory of Keith walking into his room at the Garrison's sickbay comes back to Lance's mind, and Lance groans, stuffing his face into his pillow. The hurt look Keith had had on his face before hastily backing out of Lance's room was still etched into Lance's brain, probably would be forever.

It confused the _hell_  out of him. Not only did Lance have no idea why Keith would even come to his room, but he had no idea why he had looked so...heartbroken.

Allura had been weird after that, too. She'd kissed Lance's cheek and then said that she had better get going, leaving just as fast as Keith had.

Lance taps his fingers on his bed, looking at his closed door. He thinks...maybe if he and Keith just _talked_ , they could get rid of some of the awkwardness and tension between them. Lance wants that _so_  much.

It's with this thought in mind that Lance stands up, slipping his shirt back on before walking over to his door. He slips out of it, hoping that Keith is awake as he walks over to his bedroom.

If he is awake, would Keith even want to talk to him? Lance hesitates for a moment before he continues walking, more confidently than before. Oh well if Keith doesn't want to talk to him. Lance is going to _force him_  to talk to him, because he has to know what's going on with him, with _them_. He knows he and Keith were getting closer before Keith left the team. Lance had wanted to go back to that place when Keith returned, but obviously that wasn't the case.

Lance was going to have to fight for it, and that was fine by him.

He gets to Keith's door and knocks on it, wrapping his arms nervously around himself while he waits.

When Keith opens the door, Lance can't help but smile. Keith has his long hair up in a bun, dressed in his Garrison pajamas. He looks...cute.

Keith's eyes go wide at the sight of Lance standing at his door and he clears his throat awkwardly. "Uh...hey," he greets. "What are you doing here?"

Lance sighs quietly. "I wanted to see you. Is that okay?"

There's a flash of emotion on Keith's face at the words, but he quickly blinks it away, schooling his face into a more neutral expression.

"Yeah, of course, Lance. You can come inside, if you want." Keith opens the door slightly more for him to step inside, walking back into his room.

Lance joins him, taking in Keith's room. It's practically identical to Lance's own, all of the rooms in the Garrison are, except for the cosmic wolf curled up asleep in Keith's bed.

Keith follows his line of sight and lets out a huff of laughter. "I told him no sleeping on the bed, but every time I move him, he just teleports back onto it. I've pretty much just considered it a lost cause at this point."

Lance laughs, too, trying not to think about the fact that this is the most normal conversation they've had since Keith came back.

"I know that it's late," Lance says apologetically. "But I...I thought we could talk. You know, shoot the breeze." He punches Keith good-naturedly in the arm, trying very pointedly not to think about the hard muscle of Keith's bicep against his fist. "So...it's been awhile. What have you been up to, Keith Kogane? Give me the deets."

Keith looks mostly confused, but he just shrugs, turning his back to Lance. "Nothing, really. I mean, you know the basics. Met my mom, got a cosmic wolf, found an Altean."

"And that constitutes as nothing. Got it," Lance says sarcastically. "What were you doing before I came here?"

Keith looks over his shoulder at Lance. He looks...scared? Nervous? Lance can't read the expression on his face.

"I was, uh, just packing," Keith says quietly.

Warning bells immediately start ringing in Lance's mind. Packing... _leaving_.

He moves to stand next to Keith and sees that there's a suitcase open on the floor next to his bed, clothes folded inside of it. How did Lance not see that before?

"What...what are you packing for?" Lance asks, hearing the hurt in his voice. He tells himself that maybe it's just temporary, that Keith will be back soon, but he doesn't believe it. Keith has packed way too much for this to just be a short little vacation.

"I'm leaving tomorrow with Kolivan, Acxa, and my mom. We're gonna try to restart the Blade of Marmora."

Lance takes a step backwards, feeling like Keith has just slapped him with the news. Keith...isn't even staying on Earth.

"You're leaving again," Lance says, internally cringing at the emotion in his voice. He's never been one to hide his emotions, but right now he wishes he was. He doesn't want Keith to see how much this is affecting him.

"It makes sense," Keith says firmly. "I was on the Blade. It's how I met my mom. I owe it to them to try and continue their legacy."

It does makes sense. Lance _knows_ it makes sense, and yet he can't see past his own hurt to leave it just at that.

"And what about us?" Lance asks. "What about the team? Don't you owe it to _us_  to try and finish what _we_  started? Earth is in shambles, Keith. The Galra all but destroyed it. And you just want to leave again? What about _Voltron_? You're the black paladin."

It feels like Lance is asking every question in his mind except for one. _What about_ me _? How could you leave_ me  _again?_

He wouldn't ever say that to him, though.

"Lance, _of course_ I care about Earth. There's..." Keith trails off, swallowing before he continues. "There's so many things I love about it here. But if there's one thing I know about humans, it's that we're resourceful. Earth will be back up and running in no time. And, if worst comes to worse, Shiro can fly black. I'm sure she'd take him back, even though I doubt you'll be needing Voltron any time soon."

Lance feels a wave of nausea hit him. Keith has everything all thought out. He's...he's really going to leave, and there's nothing Lance can say to change his mind.

A thought comes to his mind, and he frowns deeply at it. "Were you even going to say goodbye?" He asks quietly.

Keith gives him a miserable look. He looks like that's the worst question Lance could have possibly asked him.

"I figured it would be best if I didn't," Keith says carefully. "I've never been all too good at goodbyes."

Lance thinks about those words. He wonders if it's a good thing that he came to Keith's room tonight before he left, or if it would've been better to just wake up to the news that Keith was gone. He can't decide which is the better option, because Keith ends up leaving either way.

And all of a sudden Lance is _furious_. How can Keith stand here and say that he's not good at goodbyes, when all he ever does is leave?

He's hurting so much that he wants Keith to hurt too, so he says, "You know, for someone who's 'not good at goodbyes,' you sure are good at leaving."

Lance makes to walk out of the room, wanting a big dramatic exit after going for the jugular, but then there's a hand wrapping around his bicep, yanking him back.

"Lance, _please_ ," Keith pleads. "Don't do this."

Lance gapes. "Don't do _what_? Be mad that you're leaving and weren't even going to say goodbye? Sorry, Keith. It's a little too late for me not to do that."

Keith frowns at the words, and Lance is shocked to see the genuine emotion on his face. He's not even trying to hide it. He looks...devastated.

"I don't want this to be the way we leave things," Keith says thickly. "It would...it would kill me inside."

Lance feels an all-too-familiar ache form in his chest at the words. It's the ache that's only been growing stronger since Keith got back.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you _left_ ," Lance hisses, not clarifying which time he means, because does it really even matter?

Keith lets go of Lance's arm, and Lance immediately, bitterly, misses the warmth of his hand.

"Why does it even bother you so much, Lance?" Keith asks, sounding exasperated. "Why do you care? Even when we were trapped in space, you made it a point to tell me that I'd 'run away' from the team. _Why_?"

The words take Lance by surprise, because he's never really...thought about it before. Of course, he's thought extensively about how much Keith leaving sucked, but he's never considered why it personally affected him.

So he asks himself, why _does it_ hurt him so much?

His mind draws a blank. Lance doesn't _know_ , even though he wants to. Keith is looking at him expectantly, but he lets out a sigh when he senses Lance isn't anywhere close to responding.

"I just don't get why you care so much, Lance," Keith mutters tiredly. "I don't fit down here like you do. I mean, you have friends, a family, a..." Keith trails off, looking down at the floor. "A girlfriend. You should be happy."

 _A girlfriend_ , Lance repeats in his mind. He remembers when those words would have thrilled him, but now he's standing here, numb to everything except for the fact that he doesn't want Keith to leave.

And that's when it all starts to come together, at least sort of; why Lance couldn't be completely happy with Allura, why Keith leaving hurt him so much. It's an absolutely terrible time for Lance to realize it, but there's no going back now.

His heart feels heavy, his throat thick with unshed tears. He doesn't say anything as take a few steps forward and crushes Keith into a hug. Lance rests his head against Keith's broad chest, closing his eyes as he breathes him in.

Keith is clearly surprised, if the way his body stiffens at first is any indication. However, he quickly unfreezes so he can wrap his arms around Lance's waist, his chin resting over Lance's shoulder.

He's so warm, and strong. Lance can't believe they've never hugged before, but now there's nothing in the world he likes more.

He also wonders if their first time hugging will be their last. What if Lance never sees him again? Keith's probably going to get married to Acxa and have gorgeous little Galra children while restarting the Blade of Marmora. Lance had pretty much said as much in that stupid game show.

And then there would be Lance, back on Earth and missing him terribly. It didn't exactly sound like an enjoyable future.

"Stay safe up there," Lance whispers, his heart picking up pace in his chest when he realizes he might not even stay in contact with Keith once he leaves. What if something happened to him and Lance never even knew about it?

"I will," Keith responds softly.

Lance hastily breaks the hug, turning around and walking out of Keith's bedroom without a second glance. He regrets that right away. He tells himself he should have taken a moment to commit Keith's face to memory, that he's going to forget what he looks like after awhile.

The thought causes the tears that had been threatening to spill to finally fall down, burying his face in his hands as he sobs. He knows he's right in the middle of the hallway, and anyone could see him if they walked out of their room, but he doesn't care. He's too heartbroken.

All of these years, how could he have been so clueless?

 

* * *

 

**1**

 

It's been a little over a month when Keith receives a call from Shiro.

It's amazing to see him, lifting Keith's mood about a thousand percent since he's returned to space.

"How have you been?" Shiro asks him kindly.

Keith nods quickly. "I've been...yeah. Not bad. It's a lot of work, but, uh, it's worth it." He doesn't mention how much he misses everyone back on Earth. "How about you? How are things down there?"

Shiro shrugs his shoulders. "Probably similar to how they are up there. It's a slow process, with a lot of rebuilding."

"Yeah," Keith agrees, trailing off. He wants to ask how everyone is in the off chance that Shiro will bring up Lance, even though he knows how pathetic that sounds. Ever since Keith came up here, he can't stop replaying he and Lance's last conversation together. He still doesn't know why Lance had hugged him like that, like he never wanted to let Keith go, but...Keith hadn't exactly complained about that.

"You know," Shiro starts, a complicated look on his face. "I had an interesting conversation with Lance today."

Keith almost gets whiplash with how quickly his head whips up to look at Shiro. "Oh?" He asks, trying to sound nonchalant. Based off of Shiro's knowing look, he's pretty sure he fails.

"Yeah. He asked me about relationship advice, of all things," Shiro tells him, chuckling fondly.

Keith slumps in his seat, his excitement vanishing. "Oh," he repeats disappointedly. "Shiro, I don't...I don't know why you would tell me that. You know how I feel about Lance, and how painful it is seeing him with Allura. It's like this open wound that just keeps getting bigger and bigger and there's nothing I can do about it, you know? It's probably just going to kill me."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down there, Mr. Dramatic," Shiro interrupts, a small, playful smile on his lips. "He wasn't talking about Allura. They broke up not long after you left, something about being better together as friends."

Keith's eyes go wide, his mouth dropping open in surprise. "Wha... _Really_? But Lance liked her for...so long. That doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know all of the details. That's something you would have to talk to Lance about," Shiro says, laughing at Keith's panicked look.

"I'll pass," Keith says thickly. He then furrows his eyebrows as a thought comes to his mind. "Wait, if he wasn't talking about Allura, then why was he asking for relationship advice?"

If Lance likes another girl, Keith might just fling himself into the sun. It's much less painful than having to hear about Lance loving another person who isn't him.

"I don't know, he didn't say. But even if he did, I wouldn't tell you. That's no one's business but his own," Shiro says wisely.

Keith rolls his eyes with a little groan. Sometimes he hates how logical and levelheaded Shiro is.

"Okay, yes, you have a point," Keith admits stingily. "Was there any specific reason you called me?"

Shiro immediately sobers up, a frown forming on his face. "I found out a lot about Lance today. We actually have some similarities that I never would have expected. But...aside from that, he's not doing too well. He really misses you. And I know you two haven't had a proper conversation since you left, because you both avoid proper communication like the plague, but...I just thought I'd give you something to think about."

Keith frowns, guiltily looking down. He didn't think that Lance would be so affected by him leaving. Sure, he'd been upset when Keith had told him, but Keith had just assumed he'd get over it. He had a girlfriend, he was happy, except...maybe he wasn't. Well, clearly he wasn't, if he and Allura had broken up.

He looks back up to see that Shiro is looking at him expectantly, and Keith quickly shakes his head. "No, I can't...I can't come back."

"I didn't say anything," Shiro protests, holding up his hands.

"Your face was saying something," Keith combats childishly. "I mean, I have a mission up here. It's really important."

"I know."

"It'd be really unprofessional if I dropped everything and came back to Earth for...for a boy."

"Your reputation would undoubtedly be ruined," Shiro agrees sarcastically.

Keith opens his mouth to say another protest, but ends up closing it, biting his lip instead.

Shiro smiles slightly. "Want me to tell the others you're coming back, or leave it as a surprise?"

Keith sighs heavily, but there's a small smile on his lips regardless. "Surprise, please."

 

* * *

 

**+1**

 

It's pouring when Keith first lands on Earth.

He's never been a superstitious person, and yet one of the first thoughts in his mind is that this is a sign; he shouldn't have come back. Lance is going to hate him for leaving again, probably won't even be able to look at him.

Keith knows that most likely isn't going to happen. It's still his worst fear.

By the time he makes it inside of the Garrison, to where he knows Lance and the rest of the team are staying, he's dripping in rainwater. It makes his hair hang limp over his face and his shoes squeak on the hardwood floor.

It's not exactly the dramatic entrance he was going for, but it works just as well.

Hunk, Pidge, Allura and Lance are all in the lounge, watching tv together, but they quickly look up at the sound of Keith's shoes squeaking.

Keith knows he should be looking at the rest of the team, and not just at Lance, but he can't help it. Lance looks...beautiful. He's in sweatpants and a black Galaxy Garrison sweatshirt, nothing fancy by any means, and yet the sight of him still causes Keith's breath to hitch in his throat.

To be fair, Lance doesn't look like he's doing much better in terms of keeping his eyes off of Keith. His mouth is gaping at the sight of him, eyes wide as they rake over Keith's body. Keith is suddenly, embarrassingly aware of how idiotic he must look, with his soggy clothes clinging to him and his hair a mess on top of his head.

"Keith, what are you doing back here so early?" Pidge asks him.

Keith forces himself to look at her, even though he can still feel Lance's eyes on him.

"I, um," Keith stammers, and feels himself slump. He hadn't really worked out a reason except _Lance_. Hesitantly, his eyes go back to Lance, hoping that's an answer enough.

Lance is still looking at him, but his cheeks go a light pink at Keith's silent confession.

The rest of the team seems to pick up on it, too. Pidge breathes an _oh_ , Hunk snorts, and Allura just smiles knowingly.

"We should go," she says, standing up with a decisive clap of her hands. "I'm exhausted, really. A nap would be delightful."

"Yeah, I'm wiped," Hunk agrees with a fake yawn. "I'll leave you guys to it."

"Uh, ditto," Pidge says unconvincingly, and Keith watches, more than a little bit satisfied, as they all take their leave. Then it's just him and Lance.

Lance crosses his arms over his chest defensively, standing up as well. He takes a few steps closer to Keith, but makes sure to keep a good amount of distance between them.

"Why are you here, Keith? Why did you come back?" Lance asks tiredly.

Keith frowns, replaying he and Shiro's conversation in his head. "I talked to Shiro—"

Immediately, Lance bristles, his entire body going stiff. "What did he tell you?" He demands.

Keith shakes his head, not bothering to hide the surprise on his face at Lance's sudden change in demeanor. Had Lance...told Shiro something? Something that he didn't want Keith to know?

"He didn't tell me _anything_. He just..." Keith trails off. "He told me you weren't doing well. That you...missed me."

Lance relaxes, slightly, but he's still tense. "Traitor," he mutters under his breath. He then narrows his eyes at Keith. "Although that shouldn't come as much of a surprise to you. You saw how big of a fool I made out of myself when you left."

Keith frowns at the words. "You didn't make a fool out of yourself. We both were hurting that night."

Lance gives him a disbelieving look. "How am I supposed to believe you were hurting? You were going to go build up this great new empire with your people, your new family. And you had sounded so _sure_  of yourself..."

"I _wasn't_ , Lance, I...I never wanted to leave," Keith chokes out, his voice thick with emotion. "Not with the Blade, not last month. But I did what I had to do. I didn't...I didn't have a choice."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Lance asks desperately. " _Of course_ you had a choice. Keith, no one on this team wanted you to leave. Why would you feel like you had to?"

 _Maybe...maybe the best thing I can do for the team is to step aside_. Lance's words ring in his head, from so long. Keith closes his eyes, replaying what had happened after that conversation. He had sat down on his bed, withdrew his blade from his back pocket, and he had just... _known_ , right away, what had to be done.

He was going to leave; to secure Lance's spot on the team, to show him that he was needed. He'd tell everyone it was for the Blade of Marmora's mission and how important it was. And maybe that was part of it, but the other part...

That was the sadness and insecurity in Lance's voice as he spoke of leaving the team, the way his face had fallen into begrudging acceptance when Keith had told him things would work themselves out.

The smile on Lance's face when Keith said to leave the math to Pidge. Keith had thought stupidly to himself that he would do anything for that smile to stay there forever.

He opens his eyes now to the sight of Lance frowning at him, his eyes wide and hurt. Keith feels himself deflate as he realizes that all he's managed to do is hurt Lance, over and over again.

It causes his stomach to twist with guilt. "I'm sorry," he manages, already turning his back to Lance in anticipation of walking away. "This wasn't right, I shouldn't have come back here. You don't...You don't deserve this, any of this, and I—"

He's cut off by a hand grabbing onto his arm, and Keith gasps softly when he turns his head to see Lance _right there_ next to him. The sudden contact and the closeness is... _a lot_.

But Lance isn't smiling. His face is harshly determined, and he lets go of Keith's arm as soon as he stops showing signs of leaving.

"Like _hell_ are you going to leave again," Lance hisses. "You are going to keep your ass right here and explain what the fuck you meant when you said you felt like you had to leave."

Keith is pretty sure he's never heard Lance sound so determined before. He's also never heard him swear that much, which is...a fairly decent indicator of how mad he is.

"You thought you were going to have to step back from the team," Keith sighs, squeezing his eyes shut as he finally admits to something he'd been keeping in for years. "That you weren't talented enough to be a paladin with me, Shiro, and Allura all piloting. But that...that was _bullshit_ , Lance. You're an excellent pilot, and I...I've _never_ been good with words. You came to me because I was your leader, and I was supposed to have some answer for you that would fix everything, but I didn't. Not even close. I had no idea what to tell you, and I was terrified. So I told you that things would work themselves out. But I _made sure_ that they did."

Lance is quiet for a few seconds, processing everything, before he's quickly shaking his head. "You left because you wanted to be a part of the Blade of Marmora's mission, you said so yourself. You didn't, it wasn't..." He breaks off with a frustrated huff.

"That's not true," Keith murmurs. "Allura assumed that was why, and I told everyone that was part of it. But mostly I..." He hears his mother's words in his head, _I left to protect the person I most love_ , and sighs deeply. He doesn't think that could be more true. "I left to protect someone I care about," he opts on saying, because that's safe, for the most part.

Lance is staring at him in utter disbelief, but then he's shaking his head again, quickly looking down at the floor so Keith can't see his eyes getting watery (he stills sees it). "No, no, no," Lance starts, the emotion clear in his voice. "You don't get to come back here and tell me that, all of those years ago, you left for _me_. I was _miserable_ while you were gone. Pidge and Hunk decided to become besties without me, I had to watch the girl I had feelings for fall head-over-heels for another guy, who ended up being a genocidal monster, by the way, and I had to deal with knowing something was up with Shiro but not being able to place my finger on what until I found out _he was already dead_. Do you...do you know how many times I wanted you to be there? To have someone to talk to? I felt so... _alone_ ," he chokes out the word bitterly, tears falling freely now.

Keith is pretty sure he feels his heart physically break in half. As if Lance crying isn't bad enough, hearing what he went through makes things all the more worse.

"I didn't know," Keith says pathetically. "I should have been there, but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to get you to see that you deserved to be a paladin of Voltron. I'm _sorry_ , Lance."

Lance sighs, hastily wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Shiro's clone never listened to me," he recalls quietly. "If I offered my ideas, he'd yell at me and say it wasn't my call to make. It made me miss being your right-hand even more. You...you _always_ listened to me, Keith. That didn't change when you came back, either. You had me lead the rest of the team to safety, trusted me to watch your back on...multiple occasions."

Keith gives him a confused look, not sure where Lance is going with this. Lance must be able to tell, because he quickly continues.

"What I'm trying to say is that...you left because you wanted me to realize I belonged on the team. And I _hated you_ for leaving, because I missed you every single day. But, I guess, in a way..." Lance trails off, clearly struggling with his next words. "In a way, it took you leaving for me to realize that I've never felt like I belonged on the team more than when I was being your right-hand man. You made me feel like I belong, Keith."

Keith feels his lips part slightly at the words, not having expected them. Before he can say anything in response, Lance keeps talking, his brows furrowing angrily.

"Maybe that's why I felt so fucking _lost_ while you were away. I just...I felt so _isolated_ from everyone, like I didn't know what to do with myself. I'd lock myself up in my room, work on my fighting skills in the training room. I spent _so much time_  in the training room." He then levels Keith with a surprisingly empathetic look. "Is that...is that how you used to feel? Before you left?"

Keith feels himself frown at the question. He remembers all too well the hours on end he would spend in the training room, feeling like there was no other place for him on the castle ship. He didn't have the same interests as Pidge and Hunk, Lance hated him, Allura, Shiro and Coran were always busy with important matters. It makes Keith's chest ache to think that Lance had felt even a shred of that same loneliness.

"I guess we need each other, huh?" He asks Lance softly.

A small smile quirks on Lance's lips at the words, though it quickly disappears into a scowl. " _No_ ," Lance says, as if he's scolding himself. "I'm still mad at you! So, say you really did leave the team for me. You still completely brushed me off when you got back! We were friends when you left, and then we felt like...like _nothing_ when you got back."

"I know," Keith admits, his heart beating frantically in his chest because _here it comes_. "I did it on purpose, because I...I didn't want to get hurt by you again."

Lance levels him with an indignant look. "Me? Hurt _you_? I think you've got it backwards, I've never—"

"The bonding moment," Keith interrupts, and Lance immediately freezes. "You didn't remember it. You said it never happened. God, Lance, when you were in that cryopod, I thought...something _has_ to happen between us. We have to at least become friends, because that moment was...monumental. At least to me, it was. But then you acted like it had never even happened. I was devastated."

Lance shakes his head. "I just don't get why that moment meant so much to you," he says quietly.

Keith frowns. That isn't the answer he expected, but he lets it go easily enough. "It doesn't matter," he lies. "It was a long time ago. My main point was I didn't want to get close to you while you were off being in love with Allura. And I _know_ that sounds awful, that I'm a terrible person, but...I _hated_ seeing you together."

"Why?" Lance asks, clearly puzzled.

Keith groans frustratedly. Lance is really going to make him come right out and say it, huh?

"C'mon, Lance," he says pleadingly. "I wanted to get closer to you after the bonding moment. I left the team for you. Seeing you with Allura _hurt me_. What else could it be?"

Lance takes a few seconds, mauling over Keith's words, before he's looking up at Keith with wide eyes. "You...you really do?"

Keith smiles despite himself. He knows he's about to be rejected, but it feels good to get it off of his chest after all these years. "Yeah, Lance," he confirms, his voice barely there. "I really do. I have for...a while now."

Lance hesitates, his arms wrapping tighter around his chest as he looks away from Keith. _Here it comes_ , Keith thinks to himself, his stomach sinking at the thought.

"What about Acxa?" Lance asks grumpily.

Huh? Acxa? That was not what Keith had expected to come out of Lance's mouth.

"What about her?" He asks.

Lance lets out an exasperated huff. "You two _clearly_ had a thing going on. I could tell when you left me in charge of the team to go save her life."

Keith shakes his head, wondering how Lance could've misread the situation so badly. "Lance, I _never_  had feelings for Acxa. She saved my life, multiple times, so it was my responsibility to save hers. I couldn't just leave her there to die. That's _all_  there ever was between us."

Lance bites down on his bottom lip. Keith can tell he's trying not to smile at this new information. "Oh, I...I see," he says, trying and completely failing at nonchalance.

"Why would you care about me and Acxa?" Keith asks playfully, taking a step closer to Lance.

Lance's eyes go wide and Keith watches, amused, as his cheeks flush pink. "I didn—I don't! I was just, you know, I didn't want you confessing your love for me if you were with someone else."

Keith hums quietly before asking, "Why did you and Allura break up?"

He watches Lance's throat as he swallows at the question. Keith then looks back up, meeting Lance's eyes.

"It was mutual," Lance says finally. "We agreed that we were better off as friends." He then sighs, looking as if his next words are going to kill him. "And... _maybe_ because we both had feelings for someone else."

Keith's eyes go wide, a stupid grin forming on his face. " _Really_?" He asks, not being able to believe it.

"I didn't say it was you!" Lance exclaims, but his cheeks are about as red as a tomato.

Keith's face softens as he asks, "When did you realize it?"

Lance lets out a steadying breath, and Keith can see as the defensive act starts to drop. "I'd been putting the pieces together for a while now. It just didn't fully click until you left that second time. You told me that I had a girlfriend, that I should be happy, and I realized...I wasn't. I wasn't happy with Allura, and I wasn't ever going to be, because I wanted _you_."

Keith is pretty sure he almost passes out at the words. All he's ever wanted is for Lance to want _him_ , not anyone else, but he never thought he could be so lucky. Now Lance is telling him exactly that.

It's dizzying how elated Keith feels.

"God, Lance, I...I never thought you could feel the same way as me," he confesses.

Lance slowly starts to smile and then Keith has an armful of him, Lance's arms wrapping tightly around him in a hug. Keith quickly follows suit, resting his head over Lance's shoulder.

"You're drenched," Lance whispers, his hands tightening in the back of Keith's jacket.

"I'm sorry."

Lance just hums. Keith is pretty sure he can feel Lance's nose brushing against Keith's neck, breathing him in, and it's...it's a lot.

"'S okay," Lance murmurs. "Worth it."

Keith isn't sure how long they stay there, just holding each other close. It feels like forever, and yet still not long enough for how much time they wasted.

"You know, I missed you, too," Keith admits quietly. "While I was away. I thought about you every single day. Even my _mom_  could tell that I liked you, which was...embarrassing."

Lance snorts in amusement before he's pulling away from the hug, his eyes wide and searching as they stare into Keith's own.

"Are you going back?" He mutters, as if the question is killing him to ask.

Keith feels himself deflate and he quickly shakes his head, reaching out so that he's holding onto Lance's hands.

"Lance, _no_ , of course not. I promise you, I'm here to stay."

Lance looks down at he and Keith's hands, a soft smile on his face. "Won't you get in trouble for leaving after only a month? And for a _boy_ , of all things?"

Lance's tone is teasing, but Keith can hear the underlying insecurity in it. He shakes his head, giving a little shrug of his shoulders.

"Honestly, I think my mom expected me to leave. She didn't seem surprised at all when I told her. Kolivan might yell at me, but he'll get over it. And Acxa...I doubt she cares about what I do. It'll be fine." Keith then smiles, his voice affectionate as he says, "And you're not just some boy, Lance. You never have been. You're...you're really important to me."

The look on Lance's face is something Keith wants to remember forever. He looks so happy, and...and in love, Keith thinks, but he doesn't allow himself to focus on that train of thought for very long. They haven't even started dating yet, Keith can't go throwing the L word out there...

"More important than your mission?" Lance asks playfully.

"Without a doubt," Keith breathes.

Lance starts to lean in but then he stops, his mouth quirking up into a smile. "Come with me," he says, grabbing one of Keith's hands so he can lead him to where he wants to go.

Keith goes along with it, until he realizes that Lance is leading them back outside. "Hey, hey, wait, we're going to wet—" He tries to protest, but it's pretty clear Lance has already made up his mind (for whatever reason).

"It's a _rain kiss_ , Keith," Lance explains, looking as if he's unable to contain his excitement. "It's _romantic_."

Keith can't even argue with him. He'd go out in acid rain if it meant he got to kiss Lance.

Lance opens the front door, and then they're both standing out in the rain, Keith watching in amusement as Lance pulls the hood of his jacket up.

"Just so you know, I'm still kind of mad at you," Lance says, having to raise his voice over the rain pouring down.

"That's okay," Keith responds loudly.

"And it's going to take some time for me to forgive you completely."

Keith nods. "I understand."

Lance sighs, stepping closer to Keith until they're only a few inches apart. "But I think I've wanted to kiss you for a really long time now, so I'm going to do that."

Keith doesn't respond, just slips his arms around Lance's waist as a way to completely eliminate the space between them. Lance smiles shyly and then he's leaning in, his lips pressing against Keith's as his hands cup his cheeks.

Keith's first thought is that it's _very_  wet. He can feel the water on both of their lips as they move together, and he pulls Lance closer, wanting the warmth of his body to contrast how cold the rain is against them. Lance's shirt is already clinging to his chest, as is Keith's, so Keith can feel the outline of his muscles against his stomach. It almost feels like they're kissing without their shirts out, from how wet they are, and that is...definitely an interesting thought.

Keith tilts his head to the side, deepening the kiss. Lance hums happily in response and moves his hands so they're threading into Keith's long hair. He plays with the strands, which are absolutely drenched, but Lance doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he seems _pretty_ content with running his fingers through Keith's hair, especially for someone who claimed to hate it so much.

"I thought you hated the mullet," Keith breaks away to say, his voice raspy.

Lance smirks, kissing him again for a long while before pulling away. Keith has to stop himself from chasing after Lance's lips.

"It's growing on me," Lance whispers, and Keith feels so happy with the moment that he draws Lance in again, completely numb to everything except for the feeling of Lance's lips on his. He can't even feel the rain anymore, too caught up on the mantra in his mind of _LanceLanceLance_.

He knows they'll both probably be sick from this in the next couple of days, but he can't bring himself to mind. Keith is _kissing Lance_ , something he's wanted for years now, and Lance is kissing him back, with the promise of many more kisses to come.

As Lance said, it's going to take time for them to heal from everything they've been through, from all the hurt they've caused each other. But standing here, holding Lance in his arms and kissing him in the rain, Keith thinks they can do it; they can get through anything life might throw at them, as long as they do it together.

**Author's Note:**

> cheesy ending, i know! 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed! feel free to leave comments or message me on my tumblr @ lancesman :)
> 
> also check out this beautiful artwork of the rain kiss! https://nept-y.tumblr.com/post/178737250939/this-is-an-illustration-for-a-scene-from-the


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